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I love this, Margaret. As an editor I used say only two things really mattered: relevance and clarity. If the information is relevant to the readers they will read it. If the writing is clear it does its job well.
You’ve added ‘important’ and ‘interesting’ for the top of the story and nobody is going to argue with that. As when the best-written news stories are cut from the bottom, nobody will miss the uninteresting, unimportant stuff.
Short sentences work.